August 10, 2006

Remove the fear of flying

If we're serious about making the skies both friendly and safe, the solution is simple -- demand that all passengers shuck their shoes, socks, and every stitch of clothing at the terminal gates. What better way way to quash the fear of hidden explosives in the wide blue yonder? Show the world that Americans can win "the war on terrorism" by soaring buck-nekid through the spacious skies above amber waves of grain.

Hand each passenger a fluffy beach towel at boarding, roll out the three-martini in-flight lunch, and conduct a few bars of "America the Beautiful" to inspire pride. (If you don't know the words, hum. Come on, don't be shy -- most of us are not trained vocalists, after all.)

Sure, the initial expense could be scary to the timid, cut-and-run crowd, but what's the cost of freedom? And think of the long term benefits... the smiling faces... the fellowship... the love on a grand scale.

Bombing the hell out of non-threatening countries ain't working, folks. Isn't it time we think "outside the box" and take real freedom to new heights? Put safety first ... and your best cheek forward.

Just call it Flying for Freedom.

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